when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
