3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
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