drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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