I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
