is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
