Barsexuality is the new black.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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