my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
