I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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