Pappa wants mamma naked
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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