Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
