Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
