guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
