I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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