i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
