I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
