I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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