Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
whose ass print is on the piano?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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