Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
