No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
