I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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