So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
