Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
