Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She's the barista slut.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
