Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
