I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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