She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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