3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
she woke up with a sticky ear
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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