My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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