Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
