Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
