yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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