so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize
