Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
this hospital has no fireball
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
