her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
