A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Porn is love you can see.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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