I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
