I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
