dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
