I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
