she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
