we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I have fence marks all over my body
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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