I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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