There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
