I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
