I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Are these your boobs on my camera?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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