why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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