dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
