my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
