There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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