Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
