I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
this boner is exhausting
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
