Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
That accounts for only three of the penises
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
